Two blog posts in one night....i am on a friggin' roll!!! This post however is slightly more personal and dear to my heart...
So in two days time...i shall be another year older....dun dun DUNNNNNN....Now i think this never used to bother me this prospect of (gulp) getting older...but now that i about to enter the last year of my twenties its taken me a slight minute to grasp it all...
At 15 freshed faced leaving home 30 seemed almost like an impossible number to ever reach and now that it almost 1 year to the day..i just wish time could freeze.
Aging effects everyone espeically women...in various degress but for me it just seems a little too surreal in the past few days i have found myself short,cynical, wanting to knock of the heads of every little fifteen year old dipshit i see that thinks they are bad ass, and overall reflecting...on a much simpler time...how did 14 years escape me...can i recall those moments that mean the most...
Do you realize for example....the internet, cell phones, ipods, these were never around when i grew up...but i fail to remember that point i started using them...because it all seems so natural to me like they have always been there...embedded in my brain hardwired forever...
I get the jist of what my mom and grandma go through now and wonder...when i hit 50 will common things to that day and age be foreign to me? What about music? Can i deal with the change in trends....could i be "THAT COOL OLD PERSON"?
I tend to struggle with the fact that while i still look young (15 if i shave) my body is not...i feel tired more than not...and any sense of "Fun" that was simple now seems mundane. But again the fact that this day is rapidly approaching appeers to be why i am ok...today. A very merry UN-birthday to me, to me....
This also has me thinking...at my age now i am grasping the hold on to the fact that i DO want children, a partner in sense a family...my lot in life and i know this was to be a good dad and husband to someone(and by someone i do mean male) with a family of my own...in my way...the older i get the further away it seems but i keep the faith and light that it will happen..even as i watch my very closest friends deal with babies and families i know in my heart my turn is comming.
I find it all could be easier, this search for family, home and love could be easier for me if i found way to suspend time
I wish could somehow just stop the clock at the beginning of 29 for all etenity! Crazy right? Well that is a fear alot of us have the unknown...we begin to see gray a little here a little there, start wondering where the hell our youth went...and what is going to happen in the future...this is what terrifies me the most....
The only certain thing is the un-certain we can't realy know and i just figure that the older i get the further it escapes me...with that said i think i will conclude this post with just a single thought
"ENJOY LIFE" it happens....it passes to quickly and all too soon we become wrapped up in daze thinking "REALLY???????? This is where i'm at"
Well...somewhere in the world they are blowing out birthday candles on a cake and soon it will be my turn...
but till then "A Very Merry Un-birthday to me to me"
I am so with you on the aging and just being happy. I've had to learn, in a very long and hard process that I've been given just 1 life. I need to make the most of it! I need to laugh a little harder, hug longer, and love with ALL of my heart. I also hope that I can end up being "a cool old person"!!!! LOL
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