Ok people...as promised....tonight's Glee was epic and left me a little wanting...forcing me to deep down into my very core to bring up a topic we all often think about, talk about in a sense we all ache and long for....LOVE.
Now to the varying degree's we love are family, friends each bringing so much out of us. It's these things that make up the very essence of who we are...but i am not speaking on this kind of love.
Nor am i describing Lust which can be masked for love..
What i am talking about is that stomach flipping feeling, that way your face lights up when you see that person and in essence you just feel alive.
For me this has never been an easy thing. I think its only that way just because these moments have been few and by few i mean 3 and continue to be very seldom but very strong. Let's examine them one by one...
1. The first time for me i guess you could say was love at first sight...i had been standing outside a lavender house having just gotten into town when he decided he was going to interrupt my thought process. I'll never forget the look...the sly smile and the feeling of playing it cool. What i did was turn and walked away. Yet he managed to wait for me outside the Walgreens on the street just to speak to me. I for the life of me do not know what i was thinking but i felt like i was floating as he spoke and took me under his wing i knew for the moment i was destined to share a time with him. I recall the days following as well bliss filled and the moment that he decided he wasn't just interested in being a guide but to be an us...had i known it would be a brief but intense thing i don't know what i would have done. To this day...i think about the way things fell south, the way i was oh so young and naive...i do wish him the best though...and hope he has found the love that he is looking for.
2.As many of you know,,or should at least...i was in a very toxic relationship for almost 3 years....but it wasn't all bad and certainly not when i decided i was in love. It didn't come with bells or fireworks but simple...it began with a face..a smile and a moment when my heart said...he lights up my world...again things change and i saw him in his true form but i don't think i would change the way things happened they have made me more aware...
3.The last and final time...well it came about from asking directions.This could derive from the fact he and the best grin, and the most stunning eyes i have ever seen, the sad thing is we became friends and i never told him....much to my dismay, when he would speak i would ramble off topic sometimes just to maintain that feeling for myself. I know now that fear of rejection does crazy things but i continued to wonder for years until he actually told me he had felt the same.This could not be conceived as love for being unspoken the only thing it could have been was a possibility..a possibility i regret not taking but as time stands to reason i wasn't ready for it,
Flash forward to today... So which of these moments these things means the most? Well, that is not an easy question for without any i wouldn't be the man i have become whether it be a missed opportunity or a lesson that something was toxic all hold a place in my life at one point and in some cases still do...
I think what i am trying to convey is that i want, i want moment that doesn't just happen and you become "lovers" upon sight..but that moment where something magical truly has the chance to grow and become a part of you.
Call me the old fashioned romantic but i long for the day when i have moment where just as simple as one being my friend leads me to saying "oh there you are". It's that realizing it, the chance, it all intrigues me because at least in my mind that's the way it is supposed to be.
Most anyone i know has said well friends shouldn't and can't date but it is these people who probably are kidding themselves because when you really find that one, your soul mate if you will they not only have to be your friend but your best friend...they have to mean the world to you only than can you say you have the true connection...
Well this is a topic i could go on and on about but somethings are left to a better time....till then peace and love to everyone who like me is on a journey to find what true love really feels like
1.
ok that was really well written and i think you may have hit the nail on the head with u made me think of a certain someone and recent event that only you know about but i know i do love him.
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