Chances

So This was going to be an entirely diffrent post altogether but recent events have made me re-evaluate what was orginally intended to be posted. My last post i briefley spoke about "Mr. C" Who was someone i had been talking to/crushing on in hopes just to see where it would lead..i also felt i didnt want to say too much or i could jinx myself which i kind of did. You Amoung us speaking and planning for me to go see him in March, He met someone who in 2 days he feels very intesly about. Normal recation or what usually done in this situation is too simply tell set person to go fuck themselves and quit talking to them period end of sentence.

So why do i feel diffrently i suppose your asking yourself...well i guess the breakdown is that...ultimtly i care for his happiness wether it be him trying to pursue something with me or with someone else. I just can't shove him out of my life again. I waited 10 years to tell him how i felt, which i did get out and now i still want him in my life at 6:22 A.M. as much as i did when we spoke for the first time on the phone the night after christmas.

I stand hold to the fact that... If a chance is really there...it will be there in the future both parties have to be ready and hold no fear..and there are fears he has concerning my location and many other things that are just not certain. Who am i to hold this against him? In the 42 minutes talking to him over the phone i held no grudge, or regret and i wished him well. The only sign i urged him in dealing with me was never to be afraid to tell me anything..this i think is most important..for a realationship,friendship, sexual and or not you have to let go of the fear that once words are spoken they still will be there for you.

That is a test of one really cares for you or you mean so little that you drive them away. I left our converstation assuring him that...i a). was not hurt or angry and b). although i may not like the circumstances i had known about cause i felt it, that i was always going to be there for him and that i didn't beleive our door was yet shut...so he had my support

I tend to think that the true value in our lives come from a place where if we care as much as we say we do we prove the test of time....we are there good and bad...and at the end of the road whoever we are going after they will ALWAYS have us there when everyone else may turn their backs for things...when you have feelings for someone you stand your ground with them good and bad...it may take 20 years for them to see it, but in the end you will have impacted their life with your, caring, love, support, and devotion.

Where am i going with all this... my first chance in hs with him left me feeling empty and longing, so maybe my second chance isnt around yet...but at least the disclosure has left a doorway that is open he now knows how i feel but most importantly now that i've found him i don't want to lose contact. i will be whatever he needs...a friend, someone to listen,share with and that no matter who he dates...will remain true to me...and as the saying goes...

You Just never know.....


(To Mr. C.- i am sending this in your email so I KNOW you will read it...but i wanted to add a side not espeically for you....


Many times in my life i have oftened regreted not saying things when they need to be said...but a thank you is in order to you...because through your our expericnce you have made me realize how much i have yet to see in this world...and how i really do care for you so much...all i want in life is for you to see whar a kind, handsome person you are...and i wish you nothing but love...so if this is right for you i want you to love hard for me, its rare we find that person in our lives...but i don't want you paralyzing yourself with fear love hard and long and know at the end..i will always be here if and when you need me you only need ask)


To all of you.....and espeically you "Mr.C"