WELL HELLO ALL OUT THERE IN BLOGLAND! Since i last posted which has been around oh six months or so..alot has changed, For starters i moved back to my hometown about 2 months ago.This has been somewhat taxing and revealing of alot of things for me. As i sit here in the kitchen of the space i share with a good friend of mine from sixth grade, water boiling i just felt the urge to check in with you all. And I swear there will be more updates...LOL. Anyhow back to what i was originally talking about...Being home has focused me to evaluate my past in ways i have not thought about before, simply put i do not want to repeat the mistakes i have made although i wouldn't change them because they have MADE me who i am, some stuff i just wouldn't do over.
With this realization comes to terms past friendships and relationships and what they meant then and what they do now and i have come to some conclusions.For example a person we shall call him "Chico" for sake of not wanting to put his personal business out there. He was my best friend and as i thought would always be..but the more i am around him the more i realize we have grown to far opposite in our directions in life. In school it was always about the DRAMA and when things happened it was almost thriving in a way...the lives of 2 14 year olds i guess..but the older i get(my birthday is in 2 weeks mind you and i will be 29) the less of the drama i can stand...He is one where he sleeps with married women..gets into fights..and will complain about his children...and this just runs through my mind like,,,how were we ever friends...and this was my BEST friend. To this day i am polite but the closeness the brotherhood just isn't there any more... i have to wonder however am i the one who changed...and the point is yes...i do not fit here in this bubble of a town. So this is not to my surprise just a stuff in finding where i truly want to be.
In terms of relationships it has had me pinpoint the actual problems with my 1st and my last...i find myself conflicted with thoughts of these two the ones i have loved. I spoke with a crush of mine on this topic and i will refer to him as" Mr.C" me and Mr. C have gotten back in contact recently due to him feeling the need to open up on the fact he had liked me from a mutual school we went to..(more on this later, as i dont want to jinx myself or get to far ahead of myself)....my point is we had a lengthy conversation this morning at 6:30 his time (Cali) which would be about 8:30 my time...and i realized he has the most true outlook on life..he talked a lot of pain and while it hurts thats its useful for us to strive forward so we love life more and not regret on things that happend...i was stunned and shocked by this approach someone who as he was running on no sleep could find the time to laugh, enjoy the sunrise, snap amazing photos from it and actually be happy that he could say good morning to people...which he has never really felt until then...to actually say "Good Morning" and feel the exact essence of that was such a Beautiful thing to me. So i took that with me and i am at least trying to live by maybe not so much rewind my past and harp on all its pain but thrust myself and look toward the beauty of my future whatever that maybe....
Well till next time keep smiling....
No comments:
Post a Comment