Now that...the bitch Irene has come off the hot button topic list, i would much rather talk about something more pressing then the fucking weather....
It has come to my attention that a group i beleive from Michigan took a survey and found that Boston was considered to be the most unfriendly city in the us.
I speaking from experience cannot disagree....why many things are beautiful here the current attitude sucks ass.... people don't smile, they rarely get a chance to know you before judging you and the like..so i cope with staying home in my little world outside of work..which is no picnic i tell u that....
I guess i can atribute all this to noone really comes from boston....they come here for school and get wrapped up in their own silly little lives where as i came here from nyc with a purpose..to find a place and job where i can ground myself and escape the ridiculous rate that they charge for rent i think i do get lonley sometimes...but its more of a miss of NYC then anything...i have FRIENDS...not aqquantinces there and i have a life...yes i struggled but it's more than i can say for here....i have a place, job, but i am unhappy in the fact i cannot for the life of me find genuine people here....what this means god only knows.... i never in my 28 years thought it could come to...be happy and social or stable and unhapy....for now i will try my best to deal with this...but not exactly sure how much more nonsense i can FUCKING take....
till next time
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Science of An Insomniac
Insomnia: is most often defined by an individual's reports of sleeping difficulties
This is defined by wikipedia and the best case scenrio of what i go through each time i lay my head down to count the hours at 12, then 1, 2, and thus forth and so on....it is often in my case masked by many newports(my ashtrays tell stories) food, movie watching and downloading...but most importantly...the past. Past lovers, friends that have come and gone, and how the fuck did i get to this state....by state meaning the point where sleep becomes a chore only to drag my self to work the next day to slave for AMC dealing with the mother fuckers that bitch, whine and moan at me as if i was at fault. Some unholy demon that MADE them forget their id's or better yet (and i love this one) MADE the prices like i want to charge them 15.50 for a 3-D movie...yep thats me....THE MOVIE NAZI....anywayz back to sleep...
It is 2:15 A.M. and i must be up by nine yet my eyelids arent heavy...no suprise for me there which is why i chose this as my first offical topic....i tell you truthfully...i know what it is...awake all night..alone when your friends have logged offline and there is noone to share your bed. There are times it gets so bad i wish i could just lay down, drift off and not get up ever...to be stuck in a dream for all eternity would be fufilling i would hope....unless it where to be of the bad varity in which case...NO FUCKING WAY....
I am inclinned to think the root of this came about back when i was still livng in kansas. A docter once told me i have SELF afflicted insomnia....WELL NO SHIT....how do you explain to a docter that there is something in your dreams that terrifies you...and you cannnot remember for the life of you what it is....
Example: age 15 i had this recurring dream one of a dead snakes at my feet i had somehow ended up with their eyeballs in my hands feeding them to ravens...
Umm does this seem normal to you? Didn't think so....alas it was one of many distubing things that would pop into my head the difference was this one FELT real and i could remember it...where the ones that would wake me up, keep me burning my hands with cigs, drinking pepsi, sneaking out and ultimitly getting into trouble where the ones i couldn't remember
Leaving home...it got better for a time now...i realize i will struggle with this shit night after night....probably for the rest of my life....
if there is any science or understanding is to why i go through this...it escapes me...i just wish it would stop or find me some good drugs that will knock my ass out when its time to sleep
till then...back to our regually scheduled smoke session
This is defined by wikipedia and the best case scenrio of what i go through each time i lay my head down to count the hours at 12, then 1, 2, and thus forth and so on....it is often in my case masked by many newports(my ashtrays tell stories) food, movie watching and downloading...but most importantly...the past. Past lovers, friends that have come and gone, and how the fuck did i get to this state....by state meaning the point where sleep becomes a chore only to drag my self to work the next day to slave for AMC dealing with the mother fuckers that bitch, whine and moan at me as if i was at fault. Some unholy demon that MADE them forget their id's or better yet (and i love this one) MADE the prices like i want to charge them 15.50 for a 3-D movie...yep thats me....THE MOVIE NAZI....anywayz back to sleep...
It is 2:15 A.M. and i must be up by nine yet my eyelids arent heavy...no suprise for me there which is why i chose this as my first offical topic....i tell you truthfully...i know what it is...awake all night..alone when your friends have logged offline and there is noone to share your bed. There are times it gets so bad i wish i could just lay down, drift off and not get up ever...to be stuck in a dream for all eternity would be fufilling i would hope....unless it where to be of the bad varity in which case...NO FUCKING WAY....
I am inclinned to think the root of this came about back when i was still livng in kansas. A docter once told me i have SELF afflicted insomnia....WELL NO SHIT....how do you explain to a docter that there is something in your dreams that terrifies you...and you cannnot remember for the life of you what it is....
Example: age 15 i had this recurring dream one of a dead snakes at my feet i had somehow ended up with their eyeballs in my hands feeding them to ravens...
Umm does this seem normal to you? Didn't think so....alas it was one of many distubing things that would pop into my head the difference was this one FELT real and i could remember it...where the ones that would wake me up, keep me burning my hands with cigs, drinking pepsi, sneaking out and ultimitly getting into trouble where the ones i couldn't remember
Leaving home...it got better for a time now...i realize i will struggle with this shit night after night....probably for the rest of my life....
if there is any science or understanding is to why i go through this...it escapes me...i just wish it would stop or find me some good drugs that will knock my ass out when its time to sleep
till then...back to our regually scheduled smoke session
Time For Tea
Write.....it down....
Thoughts transcend words into space into reality...yada yada blah blah etc etc... now i could get all logicial on you and pour words about who i am and what i hope i can acomplish by letting you into my little relam of thoughts deeds and words....but the truth is...i simply feel SAFE if saftey is in any form of reality its here. I chose this this paticular theme...due to my obession with Alice and Wonderland ...quite to the point...the mad hatter? Was he mad for the sake of it....or was he lonley, or did he spill his mind over crumpets and broken cups? To his friends over jam and bread each day around noon? I'd like to beleive he was...complex...misunderstood and did his best to verify himself through his unbriddled uncanny tea parties where he would merely open up to his friends....and that is prescesly what i intend to do...so yes call me the MADD HATTER for those of you who know me in reality might see a striking resemblence and see how i relate... i may post a poem... a thought or two about you...with no room for filter i might add...or you may see just a glimpse of maddness...maddness that is my life, my loves, likes dislike(you get the idea i assume)
So come sit at my table, pour yourself a cup....It is must assuredly never boring in my world.....
Thoughts transcend words into space into reality...yada yada blah blah etc etc... now i could get all logicial on you and pour words about who i am and what i hope i can acomplish by letting you into my little relam of thoughts deeds and words....but the truth is...i simply feel SAFE if saftey is in any form of reality its here. I chose this this paticular theme...due to my obession with Alice and Wonderland ...quite to the point...the mad hatter? Was he mad for the sake of it....or was he lonley, or did he spill his mind over crumpets and broken cups? To his friends over jam and bread each day around noon? I'd like to beleive he was...complex...misunderstood and did his best to verify himself through his unbriddled uncanny tea parties where he would merely open up to his friends....and that is prescesly what i intend to do...so yes call me the MADD HATTER for those of you who know me in reality might see a striking resemblence and see how i relate... i may post a poem... a thought or two about you...with no room for filter i might add...or you may see just a glimpse of maddness...maddness that is my life, my loves, likes dislike(you get the idea i assume)
So come sit at my table, pour yourself a cup....It is must assuredly never boring in my world.....
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)